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Why, oh why do we go for the people that want nothing to do with us??? This is an all too common problem we all can relate to. It’s the “wanting something/someone you can’t have” problem. But now I’ve figured it out, and I’m about to save a lot of you from days, maybe even weeks of punishment on that ol’ heart of yours.

What happens? You meet someone. You may go out on a date, or a friend may introduce the two of you. The date goes well and throughout it, you’re saying to yourself, “That a boy mate, keep it up my son, you go girl!” whatever. The two of you retire to your separate homes and you have high hopes for the future. Then what happens? Someone doesn’t return a text, a call, they totally ignore your facebook comments and “likes”? Then you start to confide in your friends, “Is he into me? What the fuck is this bitches problem?”

It can be one of two things, and only two things.

1. The other person is playing “the game.”
2. The other person is genuinely not interested, and was being nice.

Now if he or she is playing the game, you’ll know and if you want them, then boy you’ll have to play that game, and be ready to go into overtime, sudden death, last man standing, or whatever other metaphor you want to throw into the mix.

But why are we interested in people who aren’t interested in us? Let me tell you why. You want to change their minds. If that person is seeing someone else, you want to convince them that you’re the better choice, you’re the man for the job, you’re the lady for the, uh, thing. But, from an outsider’s perspective, it’s a foolish undertaking and will work 1% of the time. It’s one of the reasons women date douchebags, because they think they can change them. Relationships shouldn’t be built like that. Initially, they shouldn’t be a lot of work. I like you, you like me, let’s go on date’s and kiss in the rain, and then we can fight and have our problems, but hey, everyone does.

But I can’t judge, because I’ve been guilty of it, and sometimes I haven’t really even been aware of it. It wasn’t only until recently where I’ve given the advice, (after looking back on a lot of my past relationships) if a person you like isn’t interested in you, stop. Stop it! Move on. That was a tricky one buddy, but let’s give it another go, yea? 

Not to mention, while you’re busy chasing after “Mrs. You can’t have this” there is always someone who wants you, coming after you. And guess what, you’ve already got her, so it’s boring, there’s no thrill, there’s no excitement. Almost think of it as an infinity symbol-∞-you’re chasing someone, and someone is chasing you. Ya know, the douche wants the hot girl, the nice girl wants the douche and you want the nice girl. You strive for that feeling of winning someone over, but do you actually want to forcibly make someone like you? You make think you do, but really think about it. Let it naturally happen. Sure there are things you can do to better your chances: flowers, awesome date ideas, chocolates, teddy bears, chocolate teddy bears, but these are age old devices.

I’ll say it again. If someone isn’t into you, let it go. “But she could be the one that gets away.” Well buddy, you’d have to have her first. It’ll be the best thing you can do. That person may or may not come to his senses, but you’ll never know, and it’s not worth wasting your time wondering if it could be.

editor’s note: this post is about no one in particular, just realized this during a conversation with the roommate.

Mike Lerner is a very intelligent, talented man.